Tuesday, November 14, 2006
I don' t know what it is that I'm seeking. Everything seems elusive, tenuous, filmy, foglike, and cloudy. Nothing is solid. Even the good ol' solid Earth under my feet and around me seems to be wavering of late. I feel lost in time.
Time. That is one elusive construct. To me, it doesn't seem so far from the days of my youth. I'm not elderly at 41, but I still can almost taste the ice cream cones, if you know what I mean? The thing is, everyone else around me has seemingly grown up and I feel like I've been left behind.
The emotions from the past are so strong, it's like they're calling me back, calling me...home? I've never felt as if I've ever been home since I moved out of my parent's house. I've never had a house of my own. Heck! I live in an RV for crying out loud! That's not to say I'm not an RV nut--don't get me wrong, I am--but at least other people who own RV's also own some private land to keep it on, a garage to keep it in, and a house to go back to. Some people even own two houses, if they're well-heeled enough.
What that last sentence should articulate to everyone is: "...if they've prepared correctly." That's my problem. I'm 41 and I'm not prepared for anything. I've done poorly at school all my life, and have been virtually shunned by people of my own peer groups. High school was bad enough, but my middle and elementary school years were hell! I wouldn't want to re-live them at all, except to go back in time, present myself as a representative of the state educational dept., and give some of my former so-called 'teachers' (and I use the term loosely, very loosely) a run down on what not to do with a particular student.
So where does that leave me now? Pining for the days of yore, that's certain. But also desiring to be able to accept where I've been with grace and push forward with vim, vigor, and a renewed and matured energy, the likes of which I've never had in my younger days. So what do I do, kind readers, what do I do?
I'm camping on a crossroads in my life, longing for more solid lodgings. I need something, something that is calling me back. Something...a part of my Spirit that was left behind or something. or something... left behind... I need to help that lost part of me find home. Here I go...
Monday, September 18, 2006
Lingers on the outside edge of ecstasy,
Meandering shoreline, hugging the bleeding edge of experience,
Whole, blue sky, expanses from the horizon, to overhead, down the other side,
Heralding a dome of Life. My own experiences.
Bridges gaps, creating, fashioning broad pathways,
A place where dimensions coalesce, intertwine, and meet.
Is a place where the gods of old dance,
Giving the Knowledge of old to the people of today,
Blending their spirits, coupling their hearts,
Teaching how to do the sacred Dances of the Cosmos,
The Dark and Light Moon Dancing,
The Creation and Fire Dance of the Sun,
The Roiling River Dance of the Waters,
The Underworld Dance of The Passing,
The Intertwining Spirit Dance of Love,
The EnJoining of the All.
Encompasses All That...
And is a
To walk, hand in hand, and watch a sunset,
Or a sunrise,
Or cuddle with The One That You Love.
©2006 Stephen Andrew Brown. All Rights Reserved.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
I can't seem to see where I am going. I went back to where I've been before, but found no solace there. I should've stayed home, saved my money, and started a small business of some kind. Well, one can always start over, I guess.
What I'm struggling to say is that my inner person--you know, the one that Just Is?--has become fatigued and is running out of ideas. I'm wanting to do things, be successful, but I'm finding that I just can't seem to pull through.
I've tried everything I can think of to make forward progress. Still, that 'little, inner voice,' the one that gives out the ideas, is becoming tired, and feels worn out. Vacations do not help. Postive thinking is quickly dissipated by negative reaction, often to mundane things.
I'm hoping a recent thought to do a book series might help me realize my truest potential. If so, I must start at once. I am a horrid procrastinator, so I know the odds are not in my favor of starting it, let alone finishing it.
Does the Universe recycle and give to those who need, those things that those in need but didn't act upon them at one time owned?
I think my time grows short. Shall I Move? Shall I Dance Upon The Beach?
I think I shall.
Respectfully waiting for a Miracle To Happen,
Monday, May 29, 2006
Furthermore, I feel that Ghost Hunters has a little more down-to-earth approach that more people can identify with. It's fresh, in-your-face, and they don't pull any punches, at least none that I can see.
I present then, some clips from the youtube.com site from Ghost Hunters.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
My heart is filled with longing,
My Head is full of pain,
My eyes are steeped with crying,
Due to the sorrow that remains.
My wants they all are wonting,
My hopes and dreams, are unfullfilled,
My planet's people, dying,
Asleep still in their shells.
They prim, and prime, and focus,
So intensely all the day,
Upon what they call real,
And still woe rules the day.
People destroying each other,
In the name of their gods,
To light yet another fire,
Oh yes the beast of war rolls on.
I'm not afraid to fight for,
The things that we believe in,
I'm just so goddamn tired,
Of the ways that we deceive in.
Mockery of others' ways,
Indignant to their light of day,
Uncaring to the sacred ways,
Sacred ways of every other.
All things they must stay the same,
Woe to any others' games,
No way! we shall look to their ways,
Ours are *always* brighter!
I tire of the endless dreams,
That go out unfullfilled,
I tire of the tireless streams,
Of thoughts that shoot to kill.
I want us to all finally see,
Desires of our most sacred dreams,
Come upon unto our reality,
And change our aching world. . .
Into an Awake world!
Humble Fishe's Thought for the Day:
WAKE UP! SEARCH FOR PEACE! FIND IT WITHIN! SHARE IT WITH OTHERS! SHARE YOURSELF WITH OTHERS! --The Humble Fishe
Saturday, March 25, 2006
*Gag Choke Cough Wheeze*