Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Just a quick note to say that things seem to be getting better.

Last week's entries were a bit on the down side, and since this my personal blog, needed to be placed where I could get things down and work them out, through writing, which is largely what this blog is about.

This blog is not about numbers, how much money I can make, or how popular I can make myself.  It is--so far as it goes--my place to be, and,  when necessary, honest with myself and anyone else who cares to read it.  Even brutally honest when I am in need of it.

I may delete things I don't like, I may keep them 'forever' (so far as Blogger let's them stay up, of course), but so far as blogs go, this is my own personal opinion space, my place to let out my fears, frustrations, and angst.

It is also a place for me to foment positive and growth-inducing commentary, on my life, or any other aspect of life in which I may have an interest.  There are other blogs for other things, like making money and building popularity.  This is not that blog.

This is the blog of The Humble Fishe, where I 'gently suggest' pathways that can enhance my growth, as well as communicate to others, as the need arises.

That said, I still wish well all who read this, and choose to share in my life's journey through space and time.  On Earth.  And Beyond.

Blessings and Light To All
Love and Light
--The Humble Fishe

Saturday, September 15, 2012

A Haiku Self Perspective

How can I be me

When every time I move out

The past holds me back


How can I be me

When every time I walk tall

The past drives me down


How can I be me

When every time I sing loud

The past says "Quiet"


How can I be me

When every time I see light

I hide in the dark


Why does a small voice

Keep saying to me, daily

You're not worthy, stop


Is that really me?

A star, shining in the dark?

Being seen by none?

If this is the way I've been living for the last 40 years, how am I ever to really understand the remaining time between now, and the time of my passing?

What will I have done?  Self-denial of ability, putting up with mediocrity in everyone who is supposed to be helping me thrive, and not lifting a finger of my own body to do anything about it, because "I Feel Tired?"

Truth is, I'm tired all the time.  I have seemingly lost the will to dream, let alone create.  And that is the crux of the entire matter:  Creation.

I've accepted a lot from others, tried to learn from within my society's version of education, and have fallen flat on my face in failure, each and every time.  No advancement.  No learning.  No completion.

And that incompleteness has forced me to pay a price.  Socially, anyway.  And I am devastated in this, in that I am not able to participate in thriving friendships with people who have spirit, people who have energy, and people who share the same compassion I have in my heart.

Instead, I am only able to form superficial relationships outside of my own family.  I have a loving companion, and she is the dearest one akin to perfection I have ever met.

Myself, however, I do not hold in such high regard.  I feel lousy on a daily basis.  Lousy because I have not advanced one iota, save for minescule baby steps that make a Model T look like a dragster.

My heart is seemingly closed, and doesn't want to yield up it's secrets to me.  All I hear about is why people are inherently guilty, for even being born.  My mind rails against this blasphemy of the Human Spirit, and I feel empowered those times, but only for short periods, the energy required to maintain the feelings of empowerment being overwhelming to my senses, and so, eventually, it ebbs.

I have so much to offer, I feel, if I could only find a gateway, a portal, and the latch and valve that would allow the bursting forth of creative urge and means to achieve that end, in whatever chosen goal.

Right now, though, I am stagnant.  I have little reserve and sleep most of the day, and night.  I am quiet, like the little words inside my head want me to be.  All they say is "sleep".

Well, I am tired, but not of wanting to begin to create.  I am tired of sleeping, and desire, truthfully, to fully Wake Up and Be!

When will that happen?  When I Am Awake.  Fully!

--The Humble Fishe

Friday, September 07, 2012

Ten (10) Things I Want In Work:

1) I want to have freedom and make money at the same time.

2) I want to have work that helps me define my life-purpose, as well as satisfy my technical interests.

3) I want to have meaningful interaction with people in a like-minded profession, in work that helps others.

4) I want soulful activity that brings me closer to others, and helps me understand them better.

5) I want the work I do to have meaning, actively helping others better understand the world environment.

6) I want to define how I work to the point where I don't lose meaning, yet can help others find the same.

7) I don't want to be a number.

8) I don't want the work I do to cause others to become numbers.

9) I want the profession in which I work to build bridges between differences, and help stabilize chaos (a bit).

10) I wish to do no harm, where at all possible. Defense is allowable, but not overall, unmitigated conflict.

I hope this helps to clarify my position on what kind of work I am seeking. Peace! --Stephen