My story isn't quite completed yet (not that anyone's is complete, ever, as we're all experiencing the NOW at any given time), that is, not all of my long-term goals have manifested fully yet. Still, there are signs that things are getting closer, so I thought I'd share.
I'd been trying to become a commercial truck driver for a long time. I have some problems that have kept me from succeeding in a college atmosphere for all of my life, and I thought that over-the-road trucking might be a viable choice. Some call them 'learning disabilities,' and I can say that, although I don't like to admit to it, that moniker has, more or less, been true; especially in mathematics, where my other interest in computer science is seriously hindered due to my lack of numerical knowledge and processing ability.
Well, I went to a total of four trucking firms, all of whom paid for my bus ticket to get there. The most recent was in Arkansas. I signed up for a very expensive employment contract, whereby the company would pay for a three week refresher course at a nearby truck driving school, and then I'd be employed by them for a year.
Well, I take the course, and pass. So far, so good. Two weeks later, I find myself going to the company's orientation program in Arkansas, which I also pass.
So I go home for week and a half, then get a call that a trainer is available, and I get on a bus and go back.
Well, I'm weary to death of bus travel at this point. I'm experiencing fatigue the likes of which I've never experienced before, and mostly from dealing with the 'Dawg (Greyhound Bus Lines.) I've never been so tired or worn-out by travel in my life. (Since then, I'm determined to never, ever use the bus again; only flight or ground-vehicle.)
Well, I get assigned my truck, and after waiting for three days to get a load, I head out on my first training assignment, and Oh! What a doosy! Nearly 80,000 pounds of steel wire. The trainer wants me to drive the thing out of the yard, but I can't seem to get out of the passenger seat. Something's dogging me, something I can't stop fighting with inside my head.
Alarms, Bells, and Whistles are going off, and my stomach is doing flip-flops; anxiety is forming and is head-rushing me like a center against a quarterback in the playoffs! Something is nagging me, saying: 'do you really wanna do this, do you really wanna do this; what do you really wanna do, what do you really wanna do?'
Knowing what I'm responsible for--80,000 pounds of rolling steel, aluminum, and fiberglass--and seeing that I'm having all sorts of problems with doing all the paperwork--as well as not really liking all the rain/hail/wind that is currently hitting the windshield--I finally arrive at a decision.
All this time, the anxiety's been mounting while I'm sitting in the cab, my 'future' passing before my eyes, and my ability to focus on the NOW is completely shot. The thing is, I hate the profession, I can't stand it! Why I spent so much time doing something I continually fail in, is completely beyond my reason at this point.
So I calm down, and focus on the NOW. I make a decision to go home. All of a sudden, many things stop. The anxiety for one.
I've made a decision, and it feels right. I know I'm probably going to have to face my father-in-law's outrage at my 'quitting' this job I've put so much effort toward (my wife and I have been living in their basement for a year, now, and he--and his wife--desire us to move; I feel the same, as we have no real privacy there.)
Coming to the point: I got home, faced the father-in-law, was forced to sleep in my car in the driveway for an evening (I wanted to throttle him for that ;->), and was allowed in the house after a couple of day's, thanks to my wife's efforts, God/Dess Bless Her! (Luckily, I spent a good amount of my waking hours with my wife at our local Internet hot spot, which is a local 24/7 grocery store; it's practically our second home, as well as where I'm typing this right now.)
I knew I had made the right decision as my actions were showing forth what was up-and-coming--and I'm in the process of manifestation right now as I type this, even though it's still early in the process.
Now, on to the meat of the matter:
I've always wanted to be a computer service technician. I already do contract employment with an out-of-state placement agency that works in all fifty states, and have had reasonable success with them. All of the jobs I've been on have been challenging, interesteing, engaging, and have kept my scatterbrain from becoming too scattered. (I have ADD and some other nuisances.)
During the course of these assignments, I've never had a single, solitary symptom. I just have trouble in college, with math, and some study habits. Well, that's all going to change! Since I got back from the trucking fiasco, I've been in contact with a local disability services agency, who has, in turn, contacted an outsourced employment services agency that works with those with learning issues, such as myself.
I was also motivated to do my taxes (they've always been late), which didn't seem to be as hard as I thought, fill out my FAFSA student aid form, and apply to the school of my choice for Computer Networking classes, which are to start in the Fall of 2011. (I'd already been there in 2008, and had similar issues as in the past, but I feel different about the entire matter now.)
I find I love, absolutely love working with computers, especially laptops. I'm also a GNU/Linux Operating System nut, and use it on a daily basis. I'm a strong advocate of open sourced and free software, and find I align with the philosophies of most of the Linux world. Add to the fact that most of the Internet uses Linux, and I find myself all that more pumped to learn more!
So, summarizing the above, we have:
1. I quit a job I hate
2. I 'get through' some issue with a relative with whom I'm living.
3. I'm going to be working with a dynamic woman from the employment agency.
4. I'm going to college in the Fall.
5. I'm learning to re-focus my efforts to obtain jobs that matter.
6. I've learned that I can be strong, deal with life, and survive.
7. I believe that I will be wealthy beyond my wildest dreams, and CAN SEE IT HAPPENING VERY SOON!
I Can See It Happening NOW! That's me, on my Suzuki Burgman 650 Executive Motor Scooter, driving out of the posh campground that my New Custom NuMar King Air Motorhome is located, where my wife is happily surfing away on her New Custom Macintosh computer. (My wife loves Macs!).
All this and My Taxes Are Paid, My Bills Are Gone, and I'm Living My Dreams, Giving My Wife All Of Hers, and Have Already Paid Off The In-Laws Mortgage and Sent Them On A Cruise! :-) Imagine All Of This!! I Certainly Am!
Will get back to you as future NOWS unfold....