So my wife's alarm on her phone rings...followed by mine, five minutes later. Then the "fun" begins...
She gives me a Twenty, and I go up to McDonald's to get our dinner, before she goes to work. Mind you, it's 4:35, and this trip, along with a visit to the credit union to get some laundry change, should only take fifteen minutes at the outset, twenty minutes, tops!
Alas, the firm of Bullshit, Fizzle, and Muckracker intervened so turn my 20 minute junket into 35 minutes. Here's how it went down:
I drive up to the highway on-ramp, get on the highway without any problems. I notice that, in the other lane, an old pickup truck is off the road a bit, on a berm of lawn that pretends to be a shoulder, with someone walking around. I'm guessing "accident", but don't pay it any mind until later.
So I get off on the next exit, and make it to Mickey Dee's. Lo and Behold! There is no traffic in the outer drive-thru lane, and only one at the inner station. So I place my order, pay my money, drive up to the take-out window and. . . FIND OUT THEY'VE GOTTEN MY ORDER WRONG FOR THE THIRD TIME THIS MONTH, AND WITHIN A WEEK AND A HALF PERIOD! (Link To HumFisheKu Special: F U C K I N G | F R E A K Y | F R I D A Y S!).
So I have to park the car, go inside, and explain "what's wrong" to the management. The second time this happened, the manager gave me a free meal for my trouble. I received a complimentary Free Extra Value Meal Card, which I gave promptly to my wife when I got back...and that's another story.
Before I went home, I needed change for the laundry, so I went to our credit union across the street. This particular financial institution, instead of just taking the $10 I gave them, and giving me back the $5 in Quarters and a $5 Dollar Bill--like any other place--has to go through the entire account lookup and verification procedure, "just because I have an account" with them. Stupid!
So I finally get my cash, and have to go back to Mickey Dee's because I notice one of my drinks is missing. So I go back, get that, and head out. Remember the "accident" that I postulated about before? Well, Lo and Behold! THE POLICE HAVE THE ON-RAMP BLOCKED! So I have to take the long way around, go down a huge hill, hit another traffic light, turn left, go up another large hill, and then on the way down...my car engine conks out as I'm braking!
So I pop it into Neutral, and re-start the beast without a problem, veer right on my home street, go up a small hill, then down a slight decline and run into...A MOTORCYCLE COP THAT HAS TWO PEOPLE PULLED OVER FOR SOMETHING OR OTHER--PROBABLY ANOTHER...Oh, let's just call it an "incident" this time, as it didn't appear that anyone was injured or there was anything more than superficial vehicular body damage, from what I could see.
Anyway, I have to wait for two vehicles to weave their way around the police bike--flashing lights and all (Nice Harley! :-]), and watching the Officer, and the other two drivers, etc. So I get through that, drive up the last remaining hill, make a Good Left Turn (on a dime!) and finally am able to park in my assigned and numbered spot, which is in front of the apartment I call home.
During all the time I was rushing, my wife had been trying to phone me, and I ended up finding my E71 Nokia to be in Meeting Mode, which beeps and vibrates only once. So I get chewed out for that, but I took it in good stead, as she didn't know what was going on in the car. (My forgetfulness notwithstanding; I SHOULD HAVE REMEMBERED TO SWITCH IT BACK TO *L-O-U-D*!)
It is my fondest hope that this post provides a satisfactory explanation to my wonderfully patient wife.
To My Honey: I'M SORRY SWEETHEART! *SMOOCHLES*
TO THE ASSHOLE OUTSIDE INFLUENCES: "EAT MY SHORTS, FUCK OFF, AND DIE!"
'K' 'Nuff Said!
--The Humble Fishe